Internal Family Systems for Couples
Internal Family Systems* (IFS) is a powerful tool in couple’s counseling. When a couple’s protectors and/or firefighters are in conflict, the result can be chaotic. When we work with the parts from a place of compassion and curiosity, such understanding and healing can result.
How might parts — those places within protecting us from a greater pain or acting out to distract us from pain — impact our relationships?
Let us count the ways! The list is endless:
Addiction. Abuse. Anger. Stonewalling. Defensiveness. Belittling. Passivity.
Although all parts have positive intent, they can bring havoc.
You might complain -
My partner is unreasonable
She’s always angry
He’s defensive
Every conversation ends in a fight
*IFS was developed by Richard Schwarz in the 1980s. It is a powerful approach to counseling which assists the client to heal, and to better know their own heart. As an individual heals this inevitably impacts relationships. But as a couple works on parts together, compassion is birthed and relationships deepen.
Using Internal Family Systems (IFS) with couples makes sense
What often is happening, my parts are in conflict with yours.
This can feel all the worse.
When we don’t recognize parts are involved, we can believe we are in the right to feel the intensity of emotions within.
But true clarity comes when we each recognize the parts triggered and begin to relate from a place of compassion and curiosity not defensiveness and anger.
Parts work is such a gift for couples.
It brings understanding
It builds compassion